I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
