Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
