Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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