My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
i think my cat just said my name.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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