saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
There r osticjed everywhere
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
