I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
