You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
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Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
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Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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