It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
