im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
