Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
