I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
