I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
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I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
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I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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