Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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