if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
ttyl tear gas
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
