no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
the day after is always just damage control
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
