So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You can't just leave with hair like that
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
