Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
