you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
