When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
