i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
