i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
