My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
