you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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