I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
