We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
