I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
porn star boner night. come get it.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
