i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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