Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
