So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
