just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize
