I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
