we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
