I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
