Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
How's work?
Spinning.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
