He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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