...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Randomize
