i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
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BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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