420 ftw
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Randomize
