therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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