I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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