Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
