If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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