I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
