thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize