I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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