did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
