haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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