I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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