Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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