I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize