i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
