Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
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