my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
