Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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