dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
