TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
