I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
She's JV to your varsity
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
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he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
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"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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