Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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