high people should be assigned attendants
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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