Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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