I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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