He asked me if I "almost moaned"
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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