When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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