ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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