woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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