She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
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