At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
