I need help removing her.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
