He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
