Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
