Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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